FATFEM20

Police arrested you and collected ur phone,a text message came in saying; "Abeg if you dey come,bring one AK-47 and 24 bullets with 2 magazines make we take do night things". How do you explain to the police that your friend meant a vodka (AK-47),24 energy drinks (bullets) and 2 magazine (Ovation). To make matters worse,your friends name is Robert but u saved it as ROB-1 as contact. What will you do to convince a Nigeria police. ???? Oya let go , be sincere Don't laugh alone, oya shareeeeee una friend https://web.facebook.com/?_rdc=1&_rdr

Husband: Sweetheart Wife: Yes honey! Husband: Come! Wife: why? Husband: come first. Wife: Ok, I'm here Husband: Remove ur clothes Wife: what for ? Husband: Please, do it now! Wife: I've done it. Husband: Remove all ur panties. Wife: why? Husband: just do it now! Wife: Ok, I'm nude now Husband: Come to the bed! Wife: Here I am! Husband: Spread ur legs! Wife: I've done it! Husband: help me count my money! Wife: Must I be nude while counting ur money? Husband: Yes, because I don't trust u when it comes to money! This man is from which State?

In a Psychiatric hospital.. A mental patient was chasing a doctor with a knife in his hands,..The Doc furiously sprinted for his life until he reached a dead end,no place to run to,knowing all is lost and ready to die; the mad man stretched his hands and said..... "Here, take the knife, its your turn to chase me".. .. . . . . . I can't stress myself

Ah have tried to convince this girl on facebook,Whatsapp,BBM e.t.c to visit me but she will always say "Handsome, I'm always busy", but her profile pictures was always tempting, her curves, her boobs name it, everything make sense,Ah decided to take it to another level at my own expense. . .Hope you know what Ah mean? So at last i was able to decode her to give me her digits,Ah called her immediately to confirm if it was really her number. We talked for a while and i discovered that she just lives a stone throw from my place,i said within me; "Kai see food oo" As an award winning Womanizer convincing her was just like counting A,B,C. She promised me that she will visit me next week Thursday,Thursday seemed too far but that was just the price to enter her, Thursday finally came,i called her around 7:30 just to confirm if she was still coming.She said in Affirmative,i arranged my room immediately bought 8 condoms(Guess it was too much) around 10.am she knocked on ...

A thief broke into a mad man's house and stole his Tv. He took off and started running, the mad man also ran after him. The faster he ran, the faster the mad man also ran after him. Finally the thief got tired and stopped, the mad man also stopped. Panting, the mad man told the thief "Take the remote, you forgot it" LOL

Assumin u'ar calln a customr care servc nd u heard a voic sayin' welcm 2 boko haram cstmr svc,ur cal is vry impotnt 2 us, pls pay attntn 2 d fllwng optns: 4 suicide bombin press 1, to plant a bomb in ur area pres 2, if u hv any infrmtn regardn whr we cn plnt a bomb pres 3, to spk wit boko haram agent pres 0, do nt hang up cos if u do so u ar dead. Wot wil u do here pals???.

My guy got so high on weed, that he was searching for his phone with the torchlight of the same phone he was looking for. He got so worried about the phone and was almost in tears even his roommate,who was also high, decided to join him in The search. After 45 minutes of searching, his phone rang, he picked the call and quickly replied the caller “I’ll call you back, I’m looking for my phone ” and he angrily ended the call and continued in the search for the phone he just answered a call with. After a while, he then decided to use the same phone to call his line and when he got the busy network he turned to his roommate and said “guy forget, that phone Don lost, the person wey thief am, don off am ” 😂😂😂😂😂😂 *SAY NO TO DRUGS DIS YEAR 2017!!!*Happy Sunday

*Wife:*- Woooooooooow!!, darling I have a very big surprise for you, I can't believe this. *Husband:* - ok pls I will call you back, I'm about to receive a contract of N30 million. *Wife:* - Darling, that is good news but this one is very urgent pls come home now, pls it's VERY URGENT. *Husband:*- but I'm about to... *Wife:* - PLS JUST COME HOME BABY,TRUST ME. *Husband:*- em.. please my wife just called me for an urgent thing. Pls grant me permision to go and come back quick. *Company:*- Well, if you leave, I'm afraid we may have to cancel the contract. The man weighed the options and decided that his home was more important than any contract. So after few minutes The man rushed home. *Husband:* _```(Seriously sweating)```- Honey why this urgent surprise,when I was about to sign a contract worth N30 million? *Wife:*- Honey, our troubles are over and God has finally answered our prayers. *Husband:*- Are you pregnant? *Wife:* - Haba honey, this is more than pregnancy,...

How did the Fight start?: . . After Service on Sunday, a Wife saw Her Husband sitting quietly in d Church Garden. . . She got concerned and decided to ask Him. . Wife: Hey Darling, why are U sitting so quietly in d Garden? What is Bothering U? . Husband: I am thinking about d Confession of Our Pastor. It's making Me Uncomfortable. . Wife: What is it? . . . Husband: the Pastor confessed that He has Slept with all d Married Women and single Girls in d Church . . but ONLY one Woman didn't want to Sleep wth Him becos She Fears God. . . . Wife: It must be that Madam Comfort. ..She's always doing Holy Holy. Mtcheeew........... . . . AND THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE PROBLEM 

Copied This new neighbor of mine parked into our compound with his newly married wife. They were busy flaunting kisses every where. On the stair case, toilet, inside the car, outside the compound even on the road. At times, they will kiss till the extent, i and my wife would think any moment they might get naked and ravish themselves. Compelled by this recent development, i decided to spice my own love and sex life before my wife starts feeling somehow about us. I came back home to meet my wife in the kitchen. She had her wrapper tied to her breast as usual. I slowly tip toed passed her, heading for our bedroom. I walked into our bedroom, and dressed the bed. I changed the white bulbs to red. I scattered red and white flowers on the floor, and arranged red candles round our bed, placing some candles in the centre of the rug carpet. I pulled off my cloth and wore a white and red trouser to match with the moment.  I was arranging the bottle of wine and bouquet of flowers in a small b...